


Of Cognition and Would-Be Prison Breaks

by Raaj



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Gen, when rehabilitation sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 11:33:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14893850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raaj/pseuds/Raaj
Summary: Joker doesn't tell the others about the Velvet Room.  It's hard to say that nearly every time they'd infiltrated Kamoshida's or Madarame's palaces, he'd sent himself to prison, sometimes multiple times a day.  But not telling them makes it hard to figure out how to ask Morgana the question he'd most like an answer to: how does he free his heart?





	Of Cognition and Would-Be Prison Breaks

"Morgana. Are you awake?"  The lights had been off for about fifteen minutes now, so Ren couldn't be sure.

"I am now," the cat sighed, exasperation clear in his voice. "What is it, Ren? You have school tomorrow. Aren't you tired after all that work in Madarame's palace? I sure am."

"Sorry. It's just..." Ren paused. The temptation to say "never mind" was strong. But he'd already started. "How we changed his cognition. Can someone do that on their own?"

"Change their own cognition, you mean?" Morgana sounded a little more curious than grouchy now; he always did enjoy the prospect of showing off his knowledge about the metaverse. "Well, anyone can change their mind, of course. But if you mean what I think you mean, consciously changing their own palace..."

"Something like that."

"That's very unlikely. They would have to know about their palace existing to begin with. And then, their palace is a reflection of desires that have grown distorted, out-of-control. If they could change their palace, change their desire, they probably wouldn't have one to begin with." There was a pause, and when Morgana spoke again, he seemed to have come to a new realization: "Someone with that strength of mind would probably have a persona, not a palace."

"What if it wasn't a palace?"

"Not a palace?" Morgana echoed incredulously. "What else would it be? I've never found anything but palaces in the metaverse. Well, there's Mementos, but that's everyone's palace."

_'My heart.'_ Ren thought it, but didn't say it aloud. The more they learned about the workings of cognition and the metaverse, the more he realized it would make everyone worry if he told them about the Velvet Room. That the shape of his heart was apparently a prison. He'd rather take teasing about his 'weird habit' of standing in a corner staring off into space and coming back with a different persona or two. As much as they poked fun, they also found it impressive, apparently believing that he could make himself more powerful by focusing on one thing and tuning out everything else. They'd been alarmed the first time he had suddenly face-planted on the ground and not immediately gotten back up (thanks, Caroline), but they were starting to realize that wasn't something to worry about either. That his heart kept him behind bars, weighed down by not only manacles but a ball-and-chain like he would be a serious danger if free--that he had to always watch his tone toward Igor when requesting a fusion, because even a hint of impudence would get a harsh slam of Caroline's baton against the bars of his cell--that might concern them.

"Ren? Did you fall asleep?"

"No, sorry." He needed to come at the matter a different way. With something else. "What if you found a lock in the metaverse that didn't match anything in the real world, and you couldn't pick it?" He'd already tried bringing lockpicks to the Velvet Room. Bad idea. Not only did he waste two lockpicks when they bent in the manacles, but Caroline had started yelling the instant she realized what he was doing, while Justine simply stared at him with eyes that said she was disappointed to see the depths of his stupidity. Her irises were an inhuman yellow, but otherwise the look reminded him too easily of the staff that had been present when he was expelled from his old school. Igor had laughed and told the wardens to be understanding, that any prisoner naturally yearned for freedom, but then his grin had become fixed, and he had impressed upon Ren once again that he needed to be properly rehabilitated if he wanted to escape the doom before him. Whatever that was. The message had been clear enough, but Caroline had summarized it just in case he was too thick to get it:

_'It's your own fault you're behind bars. It's your heart. Better hurry up and get stronger if you don't like it!'_

Which...sure, it made sense to a point, it was his heart so it was his fault, but the three of them weren't him. Right? So why had his instinct been to turn away on the bed and hide the half-baked escape attempt from them? If they didn't want him imprisoned, why should they have an issue with him trying to get free?

The mattress shifted slightly as Morgana padded up to his chest, nudging him in one side. "Hey, Ren. Why don't you just say what you're thinking of? I bet I could give you a better answer that way."

He probably couldn't. Like he'd said, he'd only encountered palaces before. The Velvet Room wasn't a palace, Joker was sure of that much. He didn't desire to be locked up. He only put up with the weight of the ball and the shackles because he needed to be strong enough to keep himself and the others safe. "I was just thinking about possibilities. I'll let you go to sleep now."

"Oh, sure, now you want to sleep..." Morgana grumbled, and Ren closed his eyes, pretending he didn't hear the hurt in the cat's voice. Morgana was just put out he couldn't give a pat answer. There were no good answers for a heart that had made itself a prison. It wasn't a prison out of some sense of guilt; he had confirmed with himself that he'd made the right decision that night, stepping in to protect that woman. Arsène had appeared then. He was sure he wasn't imprisoning himself out of guilt. The best reason he could think of for _why_ his heart was a prison was because other people treated him like a criminal.

How did he fix that in his cognition? He'd tried to distance himself from the stares and shut his ears to the rumors. He was still trying. It wasn't like he could just smother his heart. And it might not make a difference, when even the people in his heart treated him like he deserved to be locked up.

'I'll keep going,' he reasoned to himself, relieved when Morgana padded away and curled up by his legs again. 'It's worth it'--being weighted down, being yelled at, being vulnerable, all of it. 'They're making me stronger. Everyone else is pulling their weight. I need to as well.'

With a ball and chain besides. Ren could feel the pressure building in his chest the longer he tried not to acknowledge it, the accusation he wanted to fling at the prison master and his wardens. Finally he opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling, picturing the Velvet Room in its stead. He took a deep breath and let out his anger in words that were only mouthed, not wanting to draw Morgana's attention again.

"You might be making me stronger. But your idea of 'rehabilitation' is a joke."

**Author's Note:**

> Partially inspired by seeing someone wondering "Why didn't the protagonist tell the others about the Velvet Room? It might have helped Morgana remember." Partially inspired by Lavenza declaring at the end how insidious the idea of 'rehabilitation' had been, and feeling pretty sure that the protagonist probably realized it wasn't right a lot sooner.
> 
> Partially inspired by 'What in the world does it look like to people when Caroline punts him through the door?' Caroline pls.


End file.
